Self-compassion

Has your confidence plunged because you’ve disappointed yourself again?

It’s time to practice some self-compassion.

Have you ever messed something up and then ruminated for hours, if not days? It can sometimes feel like a woodpecker stuck to the side of your head. Whenever you try to distract yourself with some fun activities, off it goes with its pecking again. “You really shouldn’t have done that”; “There will never be another chance like this”; “You are such a fool!”. If the Woodpecker was a person sitting next to you, reminding you of your flaws, inadequacies and general inferiority to all other human beings, it would make for quite an uncomfortable viewing for passers-by. Can you imagine witnessing something like that? Immediate reaction for a lot of people would be to say “Hey, you have to stop that, it’s just cruel and it’s definitely not helping!”

We have so much experience with comforting our loved ones, friends and sometimes even strangers. Equally we find it so hard to comfort ourselves. The growing body of research on the subject of self-compassion shows, how it is associated with successful goal pursuit and better resilience. On the other hand, self-criticism is associated with procrastination and loss of self-esteem. People with self-compassion are also less likely to be anxious or depressed and have greater life satisfaction.

So, how can you be more self-compassionate? Start with speaking kindly to yourself. Saying ‘sweet dreams’ to yourself every night might feel a bit weird but it is a great start. When you start berating yourself about something you’ve done – write it down and then write what you would say to a friend, who would be experiencing the same feelings. There’s also a lot of guided meditation focusing on self-compassion out there. And if you keep a diary – use it to reflect on what made you feel bad during the day and how it’s OK to have those feelings, how it’s OK to make mistakes and how tomorrow is another day and another chance to try and make things better. Remember, it is not about telling yourself you are perfect. It is about reminding yourself that all your imperfections mean you are 100% human.